If someone was able to step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they have a tendency to isolate themselves. At other times, when they are around others, they can lose themselves and end up accepting things that are not in alignment with who they are.
Naturally, living this way will mean that you will rarely be able to truly embrace life and your true self will rarely see the light of day. Not being around others will keep them from being lost, that’s for sure, but what it won’t do is allow them to connect with anyone, and being around others will keep them from being lonely, but by hiding their true selves, they won’t be able to really connect with you. no one.
The ideal
Now, if they didn’t have the need to isolate themselves and lose themselves among others, their lives would be radically different. They would only need to isolate if they chose to; it would not be something they felt compelled to do.
As for losing themselves, this would also not be something that would plague their life. If they ended up in a position where they didn’t feel like it was possible for them to stay connected to themselves, they might stand their ground and/or just walk away.
standing firm
When this is what happens, it will show that they feel safe enough to assert themselves and feel comfortable being in their body. Thanks to this, there is no reason for them to continuously withdraw from life or from themselves.
You will be able to do what you have to do to move forward, not go backwards, and stay connected to yourself, not disconnected. Right now, given the way you currently experience life, this might seem like a pipe dream.
The first step
However, as you can see what is happening, you will show that you have already taken a step in the right direction. Not only could they be experiencing life this way, but they could be completely oblivious to what is happening.
Because of this, it would not be possible for them to do anything to change their lives. Their life would continue to unfold in this way, and they would continue to suffer unnecessarily as a result.
looking back
If you were to think about your life, what you can find is that this is how you have been for as long as you can remember. Consequently, this could simply be seen as how your life will always be.
Some of them may even believe that they were just born this way and that there is nothing they can do about it. To be sure, if they strongly identify with this part of themselves, they are unlikely to be filled with hope.
a life sentence
According to this part of them, they will simply have to accept what is happening or at least do their best to tolerate it. The way they live life is unlikely to fill them with joy and a sense of empowerment, so tolerating the life they lead will make them feel even worse.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t have to stay this way forever, as long as you do what you have to do. However, before taking this step, the big question is: why is your life like this?
going deeper
Regardless of whether their childhood years were not very nurturing or not, what may have had the biggest impact on them is what happened during their infancy and childhood. This may have been a time when they were often neglected.
When they weren’t neglected, their caregivers may have been rarely attuned to their needs and ended up overwhelming them. Therefore, due to the lack of bonding and the correct attunement, they would have been deeply traumatized during this time.
The only option
Being abandoned would have been deeply painful, and receiving care from untuned caregivers would have been just as painful. To handle this pain, they would have had to disconnect from themselves and go into a collapsed, closed state.
Not receiving the care or love they needed would also have prevented them from growing and developing. Various associations would have been made, such as that it is not safe enough for them to exist or be in their bodies and that people are not safe.
A state without borders
If, on the other hand, their caregivers had tuned in to their needs and bonded with them, they would have learned that it was safe for them to be in their body and to exist. Their peers would not be seen as a threat either.
Also, if their needs were recognized and consistently put on them, they would have started to develop a strong sense of self and boundaries; to get an idea of where they start and end and where others start and end. However, without the care and love they needed, they would not have developed a strong sense of self or boundaries.
The result
Back then, as will continue to be the case now, losing touch with themselves was their way of protecting themselves from all the overstimulation they were experiencing. At this stage of their life, they couldn’t talk or find other caregivers, they were totally powerless.
Since you are now an adult and not a helpless, dependent infant or toddler, there is another way to experience life. However, in order for you to know this on an emotional level, you will need to work through your emotional wounds and traumatic responses.
Awareness
If someone can relate to this and is ready to change their life, they may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.