How to create a support system during a love crisis
“Broken Heart Syndrome: Real, Life-Threatening, But Recovery Is Quick” according to Hopkins scientists.
In 2005, Hopkins researchers discovered a condition called stress cardiomyopathy. Also know as “broken heart“, can trigger sudden but reversible heart failure that mimics a heart attack. Scientists say it’s triggered by emotional shock, such as relationship breakup, divorce, or death.
Speaking from my personal experience, when your heart is broken it’s hard to move on in life. You get stuck in a funk that feels almost impossible to shake. You are down for days on end feeling lonely, sad and downright depressed. It’s hard to imagine that you can feel happy again…
If you are “there,” let me share “how” to create a loving support system. Then do it. Please.
Cry, but stay connected.
During the grieving process, it is important to surround yourself with positive people and things. Reconnect with your most optimistic friends. Host a sleepover and play your favorite dance songs. Invite friends and family over for a cookout or share your favorite dessert with a neighbor.
Think of all those things you wanted to do but never had time for. Volunteer at a local animal shelter, visit an art gallery or museum, take salsa classes, or plant a garden. Take an art class. Learn to navigate. Whatever you do, make sure that it brings you joy and happiness.
Nourish your body and spirit.
Fuel your body with healthy foods and drinks. Avoid alcohol for now. It is a depressant and disrupts your sleep cycle. Protein-rich foods like eggs, cheese, meat, and poultry stimulate the mind and can keep you awake at night. Whenever possible, eat dinner a minimum of 3-4 hours before bed.
If you’re not already drinking eight 8-ounce glasses of filtered water, now is the time to start. Start the day by drinking a glass of cold water. Add a slice of lemon or some fresh berries for a refreshing drink. Don’t drink coffee until you’ve been awake for at least a couple of hours, and limit it to no more than two 6-ounce cups.
Every night, before you go to sleep, write down three achievements from that day. Get out of bed. She worked. Dental floss I went back to bed. Use these if you get stuck, they worked for me.
You can also write about the worries of the day, your dreams, hopes, thanks and thanks. Don’t judge, don’t censor; if it comes to mind, put it down and let it go.
Don’t read again. Let go of each page and each day. You – keep moving forward. You will find, little by little, that your heart will lighten, the good will come naturally and the bread will slide.
After journaling, play relaxing music to lull you to sleep. After all, it works for the girls and me, why not you too? If you don’t already have a radio or CD player, consider investing in one. Look for models that include a sleep timer and auto shutoff. Experts recommend listening to the sounds of nature, such as ocean waves and birdsong, to calm a busy mind.
The mind is a bad neighborhood. Don’t go there alone.
-My people
When we’re hurt and depressed, it’s natural to want to crawl into that cave and lick those wounds. BUT, if you stay there day after day, that’s called depression and it’s a baaaaad neighborhood.
I am so grateful to any spirit that moved me to ask for help and made me willing to receive it. Here are some of my followers. I encourage you to find yours.
Lean on documents, family and friends.
The doctors…
Dr. Belle, Psychologist. Belle’s specialty was helping women break unhealthy and codependent relationships with their loved ones and themselves. She told me that my “collector” was broken and helped me fix it.
Dr. Gray, my primary care physician. She referred me to Dr. Belle and together they assisted in my treatment, both physically and emotionally.
Family friends. All the angels specially dressed…
My parents. Mom was stoic, no nonsense, she was just there for me. When I told my dad the news of my breakup, he dropped everything, picked me up, and took me to breakfast. While he was crying on my balls he talked to me about things like sleeping, eating and talking to my doctor. The kind of things I’m talking to you about right now.
claudia She insisted on getting me out of the house and onto the tennis court. (Great idea: broken hearts need to physically vent.) We spend hours hitting the ball, laughing about sex, men, financial problems, boobs, and everything under the sun. She also ripped through my closet and removed all my “family/wife” style clothing. Yeah, she used to dress me like she had the lead in Little House on the Prairie.
mafé Years later he continues to be a daily source of encouragement. He drove for hours to take me to lunch when I told him about the break up. I will never forget that afternoon. Or the hours we’ve spent on the phone together since then. You don’t have to be next door or close to receive (or give) the Love you need.
Katherine. She said, “I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.” Cat did not tell me what to do, how to do it, nor did she give me her opinion on it. She gave me a plane ticket with an invitation for a compassionate and welcoming visit.
Tune in for tips on author and expert relationships
Dan Millman, Cathy Guisewite, Robert Kiyosaki, Mari Smith, Dr. Harriet Lerner, Maria & Michael Carter, Dr. Kalish, Sandra Taylor, Terry Hernon MacDonald, Karen Rontowski, Tracy Smith, Armando de Peralta, Rene Godefroy, Paul Gilligan, Marc H. Rudov, Martha Beck, Erica Miner, Dr. Catherine Hamlin… and the list goes on…
Thanks to wsRadio.com, I was able to spend hours and hours interviewing love and relationship authors on The Get Ready For Love Show. I read your books, did your exercises, and followed your relationship advice. (Guess what. It worked. That’s another story, another day.)
Feel free to tune in to these interviews, 24/7 at http://www.GetReadyForLove.com/topindex.html.
Al-anon, last but not least.
How can I describe Al-anon? Let me put it this way. When I first met with Dr. Belle, I told her that I wanted my life back and that I wanted to feel happy again. She asked me if she had heard of a program called Al-anon and she recommended that I try it out. “Go to six meetings,” she said, “and see if Al-anon is for you.” I did. I’m still going strong.
To listen to my interview on healthy relationships and the magic behind the Al-anon Program, visit: [http://www.healyourselftalk.com/fatigue.html].
In closing, I can tell you that no condition is permanent and that time heals all wounds. I can tell you that you must be a very loving and lovable person to be so touched by this breakup. I remember something I heard when I was in your place. It shook my heart, it gave me hope.
“You think your life is falling apart. Maybe it’s starting to fit in.”
Hmmmm. This could be true for you too. I could not?
Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Take care of yourself starting with your body. Get some sleep, supplement your health, and connect to your emotional support hotlines, all of them.
And, don’t give up on Love.
Don’t give up until you get your miracle… (and you will).