Thanksgiving weekend is over, and even though I battered my body with enough food to last a month, I’m still happy to have the chance to spend the holiday weekend with my family and friends. Based on what I saw from my Facebook friends, most people were genuinely “grateful” for the chance to get together with friends and family and take the opportunity to truly reflect on the generosity of their lives.
But many people also posted sad and wistful thoughts about missing family members who have passed away or been far away or any number of circumstances (physical or emotional) that keep friends and family apart. The fact is that although the holidays are supposed to be joyous and happy, it is also the time of the year when people are most unhappy, sad, sentimental and depressed. The emotional pain felt by many people is evidenced by the annual increase in suicide rates between Thanksgiving and New Years.
Although Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to “give thanks” for what you have, unfortunately it’s also the time of year when people focus on what they “don’t have.” And once you start to focus on what’s missing in your life (not enough love, not enough money, the job they hate, the people they miss), it starts a vicious downward spiral that makes people absolutely hate the holiday season.
I believe the true meaning of Thanksgiving is not just “give thanks” but also “give thanks by giving.” My sister-in-law Liz recently lost her granddaughter in a tragic car accident, and it would have been easy to spend Thanksgiving consumed by that loss. But she chose to cook Thanksgiving dinner for several young servicemen and women, all friends of her daughter-in-law, who is on active duty in the Air Force. Although it doesn’t take Liz’s pain away, she gives him the opportunity to actively get over her grievance by “giving himself up to others.”
Our family hasn’t really gotten together for the holidays since my mom passed away two years ago. We all live on different islands and find it difficult to bring our own families together. I know my little brother, Bernie, really misses my mom and dad over the holidays, but this year, he decided to spend time with my niece Francine, who is in the midst of a serious battle with cancer. I know that this act of “giving” really helped him get over his personal sadness at the loss of our parents.
We have a lot of “personal power” to help affect the mindset of other people who may be sad or depressed during the holidays. A call, a visit, a card, even a simple text does wonders for the recipient, but the REAL benefit comes to the “giver” who gets the chance to connect with that part within us that believes we are good and kind and truly cares about things beyond ourselves. It’s a wonderful opportunity to break away from our normal thinking of “what am I getting out of this?” and rise to the thought of “what am I becoming?” that helps us to see that we can generate happiness within ourselves and transmit it so easily to others.
And we can do this despite the circumstances that may be happening in our lives. Giving thanks for everything we have is amazing, but we give ourselves a gift that will continue to help us grow and mature as people as we show that gratitude to others in need.