Does your fantasy baseball team suck in your league? Are you reading this for a friend whose team is sucking?
There is good news for you: you can just rename your fantasy baseball team and get a boost in the second half! I’ll give you not 3, not 5, but 7 name-change categories that are guaranteed to give your team a second-half boost.
Thats not all. I’ll give you two examples of team names by category. Also, I’ll tell you one more thing: bees have hair in their eyes.
Let us begin.
- self critical Just kick your team while it’s down. Make fun of your team, make them feel bad about themselves, and make sure they know you’re disappointed. Rename your team with a name so full of hopelessness that you’re guaranteed to hit rock bottom. And there’s only one way to go when you’ve hit rock bottom! Boat. Examples: Underground sewer dwellers, slatted clogs.
- Bravado. Or… you could take the opposite approach! After all, it’s not his fault your team is in the bathroom. Let the other fancy owners know you’re not out of it yet. Renaming your team with a name that oozes so much confidence you can’t help but win fantasy baseball gold. Examples: Shooting stars, big baseballs of fate.
- Hipster indifference. Any man. Why should you care about a name? You have a new pair of vans. You don’t even need those glasses, they’re just for show. Change your fantasy baseball team name or not. you don’t care Examples: Vonnegut’s Van Riders, Bon Iver.
- philosophical. What does it really mean to win anyway? Take time to truly reflect on the meaning of the name you place on your team. Wait. Or maybe there is no team… Is it life that imitates fantasy baseball or does fantasy baseball imitate life? Examples: Aardsma shrugged, Cooperstown confused.
- Crazy. YOU CAME TO PLAY IN THIS FANTASY BASEBALL LEAGUE!!!! “Wooo! I’d slap all of you owners, but God already beat me! John Rocker!” It is better that the other owners recognize that you have lost your mind. They better fear you, because you’ll go crazy if you lose this league. Examples: Maggot Mashers, Funny Vampire Bunny Runs.
- Childish optimism. Follow your heart and name your team after your childhood baseball hero. Because he will always help you! While you name your team after your pup, go ahead and saddle that unicorn and ride that rainbow. Isn’t fantasy baseball awesome, guys? Examples: Angels with Attitude, Stunning Flowers.
- Inconsiderate. If you’re down the line, you obviously haven’t given your fantasy baseball team much thought, so why start now? Just rename it whatever. go with the team [Insert Last Here]. That team name got you to 12th place last year, so why mess with a good thing? Examples: The [Random Plural Noun], [Same as your fantasy football team].
Over there. you got it. I deliberately omitted the dirty sports pun as category. Really, don’t we have enough of those? Sure, they impress your friends, but you know who they don’t impress? Ladies.
Regardless, if these fantasy baseball team name ideas don’t give you a boost in the second half, I don’t know what will.