Picture this: after many months of sticking to an exercise program accompanied by faithful adherence to a healthy eating plan; You have lost 100 pounds! (He has weighed 225 pounds for the past 10 years) He looks fit, healthy, and full of life. wow! What an achievement! You hardly recognize the person reflected in the mirror, and no one else can. Friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances react in amazement to the “new me.” And when you get compliments like “You look fantastic!” or “I can’t believe it, you look amazing!” His response is “…I know!” spoken with such sincerity, enthusiasm and a genuine smile that others immediately share your joy.
Does it sound strange to you? I had that experience recently. Or rather, I saw that experience in a movie. A friend of mine recently recommended a movie to me, and despite being known to have a great memory for otherwise useless information, the movie’s title sounded vaguely familiar. I decided this was one of those “straight to video” movies. And I was right. But I was so intrigued by what my friend had told me about the scene I described above, that I had to rent it out and see for myself. I had been warned, and the movie was exactly what I expected; except for what I didn’t expect: that it would really move me. My Mom’s New Boyfriend starred Meg Ryan, Antonio Banderas, Selma Blair and Colin Hanks (yes, her son). I won’t bore you with a detailed description of the plot, but I will tell you that Meg Ryan’s character starts the movie in a fat suit. One would guess that she weighs between 250 and 300 pounds. She smokes, eats Twinkies and other junk and she seems to be very lethargic. Her son is sent out of the country on a work assignment for what appears to be a year or two. She returns to town and discovers that her mother is the willowy Meg Ryan with whom we are all familiar. Throughout the film, those around her comment on her physical transformation which, in terms of her meaning, seems to pale in comparison to her emotional transformation. She further drives the point home in one scene, sharing a photo album (with a new boyfriend no less), narrating… “this was me at 170lbs…and this was me at 140lbs.. .” It would take a gun to the head of most women I know to share those photos with a new guy.
But it got me thinking… in my line of work, I’ve witnessed more than one woman go through the kind of physical transformation that inspires a complete “makeover” of life. There is nothing more motivating and inspiring than seeing another human being take control of her life and turn it around in such a profound way. It reminds us of our own potential. However, for those I have met who have accomplished something so significant, I have yet to hear more than a polite “thank you” in response to someone else’s sincere congratulations. Why don’t we feel it appropriate to be excited, enthusiastic, and proud of our greatest accomplishments? Ryan’s character in the film responds in such a sincere and exuberant way that we easily believe his response is the most natural thing in the world, devoid of conceit. However, I realized that I have never met anyone who reacts this way. What a pity! Even in a society rife with pathological narcissism, have you ever met someone (over 20) who has lost even ten pounds and said “oh, that was easy!” I hope one day to be around when one of my clients is congratulated on such an achievement and she responds by saying “…I know! Isn’t that wonderful?!”