Throughout the history of humanity, mother-son relationships have been considered special. Many women say that having a child gives them a sense of fulfillment. One woman said: “It’s like through him I found the part that was missing.”
Patriarchal societies place greater value on children. Sometimes “boy-centrism” can become obsessive. In India, special rituals are carried out to invoke divine intervention in the bestowal of a child. The children are obliged to maintain the lineage, take care of the parents in their old age and ensure the salvation of souls after death. As such, children receive preferential treatment, with the best in food, health, education and protection. This ‘son preference’ has led to extensive female feticide in several countries, resulting in a skewed sex ratio.
Researchers at the University of Richmond in Virginia discovered that women develop a set of “maternal neurons” that function as “bad mother” or “good mother” switches in the brain. These groups of brain cells created during pregnancy and activated after birth are responsible for good or bad parenting. It is necessary to activate a certain number of neurons for ‘good mothering’ to take place.
A team at Yale University uses brain scans to study the areas of the brain that drive good or bad motherhood. Dr James Swain says: “We have identified certain areas of the brain where there is a link between neural activity and ‘adequate’ or ‘inadequate’ parenting.”
So far no one has come up with a scientific explanation for why a mother loves her son more than her daughter. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in his book “The Selfish Gene” suggests that this maternal devotion is a selfish strategy to ensure that her genes live on. He knows that after a certain age, she can’t reproduce. So, she protects the male offspring from her, as she will eventually spread her gene pool.
When a mother has this protective love for her child, she becomes fiercely protective of his life, crippling his emotional growth and tying him to her apron strings as ‘mama’s boy’. This tendency has been documented even as far back as Biblical times in the story of Rebekah, who encouraged his favorite son Jacob to steal his brother’s blessing through impersonation. But she had to suffer anguish since he was separated from her for many years, to protect him from Esau’s fury.
The Greek mother Thetis immersed her son Achilles in the magical river Styx, to make him invulnerable. But of course, she left him with an unprotected heel.
Like mother-daughter relationships, close mother-son relationships are important in the early formative years. Babies begin to show distress when separated from their mothers. But every mother should keep in mind that this is only a temporary phase. Physical distancing should start early in the case of a child because of the erotic potential of such a bond. Mollycoddling is detrimental to the emotional health of both mother and child.
The Oedipus Complex is a well-known phenomenon. It is based on the Greek myth in which Oedipus considers his father a rival for his mother’s love. He then kills him and marries his mother Jocasta.
The period between 18 months and three years is when the child becomes aware of his own sexual identity. He develops a concept of himself by exploring his own body. Between the ages of three and five, ego and libidinal development take place. This can well be defined as the Oedipus phase, when a boy has a desire to possess his mother, and even begins to see his father as an opponent. This is a passing phase, and a wise mother will gradually wean him away from such feelings until she begins to identify with her father.
Reasons for a mother’s abnormal feelings:
• When a mother has experienced her father’s abandonment in her own childhood, she may be overprotective of her child to compensate for these feelings of abandonment. She wants her son to remain in that oedipal phase for her own fulfillment. Children cannot be husbands or surrogate fathers; neither are they toys for your pleasure.
There are many great men who have suffered due to this overprotection. Andrew Carnegie’s mother made him promise that he would not marry until she died. It must have been a frustrating experience. She finally married a year after her death, at the age of 52.
Dwight Eisenhower also had an obsessive mother. Once, when she was in quarantine for scarlet fever, she used a ladder to go up and see her son every day through a window.
However, a mother who experiences abandonment by her father in childhood may also have difficulty bonding and become abusive towards her child.
• If a wife’s emotional needs are not met by her husband, either because of his career, inconsiderate nature, or infidelity, she may turn to her son. She may shower him with kisses or caresses or verbal declarations of love. This form of ’emotional incest’ seeks to distance the father from the love of her son. Actual incest is not ruled out.
• Single fathers, single or widowed, may also be overindulgent and overprotective of their sons, to make up for the lack of a father.
Destructive effects of such dysfunctional relationships:
About the Child:
1. Excessive dependence on the mother leads to retarded emotional and mental growth. She is unable to cope with life’s challenges, she has behavioral problems and is often considered a ‘sissy’. The mother does not want her son to grow up and she plans to keep the relationship exclusively hers.
2. Inability to maintain healthy relationships with others. This can even damage your sexuality and destroy your ability to have a happy partner. You will avoid commitment. If he gets married, it may end in divorce due to his mother’s constant interference. He won’t have the courage to stand up to her and protect her wife from her mother’s constant bullying.
3. A seductive, manipulative mother and a distant, passive father can turn a child into a homosexual.
4. Suffocating love can turn out to be a dangerous emasculating attachment, rendering the child sexually dysfunctional.
About the Mother:
1. A woman who transfers her time and priority to her son will lose her husband. She will have a lack of intimacy and many sexual problems. Her husband will begin to look elsewhere for her fulfillment. He might become a workaholic or forge extramarital affairs or enjoy drinking or gambling.
2. A mother whose life revolves around her son lulls herself to sleep with the subconscious assurance that he will never leave her.
3. An incestuous relationship may develop. Inappropriate feelings for your child are a form of child abuse and can be demoralizing.
How to maintain a healthy mother-son relationship:
• Respect your child’s personality. Treat him with deep respect and help him develop her personality.
• Raise your child to be a balanced human being mentally, physically, and spiritually. ‘Suffocating love’ kills. So don’t hold on too tight.
• Set healthy boundaries and know when to physically distance yourself.
• Parenting is a joint venture. Parents should not be excluded from the relationship. They too must be allowed to bond with their sounds. The responsibilities of parents involve providing them with life strategies such as respect for the elderly, respect for the opposite sex, discipline, love and good example. The goal should be to foster maturity, independence, and self-sufficiency in adulthood.
• Do not neglect your husband. Take a break from motherhood to ‘companionship’ with him. Talk, care and be intimate. Let your love for each other grow as you share the responsibility for your upbringing.
• Be a good and worthy role model. Let him learn from you how to respect and treat his wife when he is married.
• Always remember that the child is not your husband. So don’t force him to have adult responsibilities.
• Change your focus. Take some time to attend to the needs of your other children. Find new activities to take your child’s mind off.
• Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom to manage your emotions responsibly and with self-respect.
As the feminist Naomi Lewinsky said, “We shouldn’t need our children. We shouldn’t merge with them except when they’re babies. We shouldn’t let our messy feelings seep through our children’s development. We should raise them to become individuals.” separated”.