For many people, being in a relationship gives them a sense of identity, purpose, and belonging. They feel that having that special someone, no matter how much commitment it takes, allows them to fit comfortably into their social group, especially if everyone in their circle is associated. Being single can feel lonely, alone, and an outsider.
– Letting the pressure of dating build up it can distract you into making bad decisions, feel driven to connect with someone out of a feeling of need. That might be fine in the short term as a stopgap, offering companionship for a while, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is.
Very often, people feel bereft when a relationship ends. Even the end of a bad relationship can feel like a failure, generating fear, apprehension, anxiety. There may be concerns about the future; Will I meet someone else, how long will I be alone, should I have tried harder or stayed with the relationship I was in?
– But there is no lonelier place than a loveless marriage, where a person stays for economic reasons, fear of being alone or disturbing children or family. Tension, underlying resentment, hostility, or constant bickering can make for a very unhappy home. There is nothing ‘special’ about a relationship that lacks mutual love or respect.
When we’re desperate to find that special someone, it can cause more problems than it solves. Defining ourselves and others through our marital status can miss the real point of having someone important to share our lives with. That person must provide value, not provide the only reason for our existence.
– Some people can even enter our lives in a purely temporary capacity. As such, they can provide us with the impetus to overcome a bad situation, excite us to review our lives, change careers, update our image, introduce us to exciting new hobbies and interests. But once it’s on its way, it’s possible they’ll fade out of our orbit.
Other people can be friends or lovers when the weather is good, great when everything is going well, but not very good during stormy times. They can’t or won’t deal with any of our hassles, problems, or complications. On the contrary, there are those people who love nothing more than to train us, solve problems and fix us, the friends and bad weather lovers who enjoy deep and meaningful sessions but do not care much about partying or socializing.
Being in a relationship with anyone can work well for a while, but it’s unlikely to be a long-term solution to your relationship status. But equally, not all special relationships have to be permanent.
– An important step is to ask yourself what you want from a relationship.; Do you really need someone special? Does your life literally revolve around having an important person in your life? Does your relationship status define who you are? What do you think about this? It’s important to know if you’re prepared to wait for the right person to arrive, no matter how long it takes.
Some people may be focused on getting married or living together permanently, for others that would be too intrusive. Some may want a constant partner where they do everything together, discuss everything, share every aspect of their lives, but others like to maintain a certain independence and separation, enjoying specific moments together, like vacations or weekends, but living their own lives in other times. .
– To find our special person it is good to start working on yourself first. Ask yourself who is the most important person in your life. Even if you still have young children, it’s best if the answer is you. When you feel good about yourself, healthy, happy, and at peace, everyone in your life benefits.
Then you find your quality of life improves and you realize you’d rather be alone than with someone who isn’t right for you, isn’t supportive, or brings negative energy into your home. Being alone is better than good or good enough, once you feel comfortable in your own company.
– When you learn to love yourself finds ways to communicate his thoughts and feelings to others and is able to define appropriate limits of acceptable and unacceptable treatment and behavior. Your desperate need for someone special lessens and you may be more selective and discerning, able to find someone who complements you and adds value to your life.
You become clearer about the things you will and will not accept. Sure, some things that annoy others may be fine for you; It is good that you know and it can help you to be more clear about what you want from a partner.
It’s liberating to realize that someone special is only special because they’re right for you. The relationship then becomes a wonderful outcome and an addition, rather than a necessity, in your life.